What the fucking fuck, Sunkist/IMW Agency. These are in fact my mother's grapefruit. These are in fact the same grapefruit as grapefruit have been since 1875 when they were accidentally invented by an orange and a pomelo tree requiting their sweet yet tangy forbidden love.
The ALLCAPs MODERN grapefruit is the same fucking grapefruit our mothers ate, the exact same one.
And do you know what does in fact smell distinctly of the era when my mother was a wee girl. This patronizing princessification of a fruit, replete with every stereotypic bullshit women have had to put up with since... well, long before grapefruit were invented.
IMW has decided to: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s health-conscious young woman [because their mothers, by contrast were surprisingly pro-death-and-disease]. In addition, make the message fun and engaging [and not at all pseudo-scientific gender-stereotyped bullshit], and develop a campaign to educate [those ignorant] women that grapefruit is more than a diet…it’s a Superfood [Holy random capital letter, Batman. That word doesn't actually mean fuck all but they are too dumb to notice, right?]. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of antioxidants and vitamins; promotes heart health [in unspecified ways]; may reduce the risk of certain cancers [or, you know, may not]; and promotes healthy skin [because all gals really care about is not getting zits or wrinkles, right?]."
Skating pretty close to making an FDA-forbidden health claim right there. What next? Not your Dad's grapefruit. How would that go: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s fitness-conscious young men. In addition, make the message fun and engaging, and develop a campaign to educate men that grapefruit is more than an mixed martial arts training regime …it’s an Aphrodisiac. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of fiber and riboflavins; promotes charisma; may reduce the risk of baldness; and promotes healthy beard growth."
