We really do not need to be printing shit like this on shirts sized for 5-6 year old girls

The Power

Caroline Leaper, fashion editor at the Telegraph is declaring "pink is the power color to wear in the office".  The headline in my Google News had an eighties vibe the second I saw it.  But the picture....

...is a full sized flashback to the age or spiral perms and doing the locomotion.  And not in an ironic-cool-hipster way. The point of the story seems to be that pink is now post-eighties and gender doesn't matter any more--or more specifically "as personality now prevails over gender, why are we still afraid of looking sweet?"  A statement that could hardly be more tone deaf, as the news bombards us with CK cornering people to masturbate over them and a 32-year-old politician "dating" a 14-year-old girl... and celebrity of the week pointing his dick at inappropriate person of the week ad naseum. The common thread being, men do this more than many people want to believe and uncooperative victim's careers suffer.

And in a dizzying flip the the very next quote in this article destroys its own thesis with: "‘it’s disarming’: ‘People almost don’t expect you to present a killer strategy just because you look ‘cute’’, thus allowing her to strike them by surprise." Which explicitly admits that feminine dressing will in fact make some people think you are less competent.  Leaper seems to be trying to contrast her pro-girly-color rah rah fest to the eighties, but actually that's just how the eighties were. Beloieve me, I was there--Fido Dido T-shirt, stone-washed bubble skirt, sequined headband and all.

I remember very well being told women were equal now and to celebrate being a "girl", but wearing heels is compulsory and don't expect to get promoted.  Girls can do anything, but will get paid 80c on the dollar.  Sexism existed then and it exists now--and it is time for people to stop pretending otherwise even in the smallest of ways.  All that changes is how it is expressed and what we do about it. Looking "sweet" affects how people see you.  Dressing into that stereotype is a choice to make carefully and strategically, not because you think your "personality" is all that matters because that's just fucking naive.

Men in Heels

Photo: Tim Evanson

Fashion that crosses, blurs, or ignored gender lines is currently very hip.  But, as many commentators have noted, this general means both genders dressing more-or-less masculine.  The taboo against men dressing in traditionally female ways is far, far stronger than vice versa.

And in modern times the idea of what is suitable for men is much narrower than many other times in history.  Take high heels for example.  Throughout history you can find examples of men wearing heels.

These days men in heels are generally cross-dressing, making a statement about a women's issue, or ritually self-humiliating for charity. But men have been wearing heels sporadically clubs over the last few years for simple reasons of fashion,

I rarely wear heels myself but will admit to thinking they are super-hot on men, so I hope this is a trend with, as they say, some legs.

It is Totes Time to Bring Back the Muff.

As women's fashion continues to be largely devoid of pockets, and I want to be free to check my phone at a seconds notice so gloves are no good, we need to bring back those little furry hand-warmers of times gone by.  Not the stupid enormous dead-animal and upholstery numbers.  More like a cozy knitted thing with maybe some jaunty faux fur on the outside. 

Someone on Etsy needs to get all over this.

Sad People in Silly Pants

Fashion designer Ronaldo Fraga centered his recent catwalk show on underwear with line drawings of genitals on them.  Which I think is hilarious, but I do have one question.

Our rude panties make us sad

Why do models these days always look so goddam miserable?  It is like high fashion still lives back in the time when it was considered very gauche to smile for a photograph.

We are sad that rude pants have not been invented yet

The next high fashion designer who wants to do something really shocking in his or her show (which seems to be most of them) should try having the models look happy.

Calvin Klein: Untruth in Advertising

Calvin Klein has been Adsense-stalking me for the last few days.  And I have to say I find their advertisements baffling.  I guess I just do not understand how the English language intersects with "fashion"?

First there was this:

Find your fit.  Where "fit" means trousers that expose too much ankle, a shirt just the wrong length to wear either tucked in or shirt-tails out, with sleeves you need to roll up.  Huh?

But, you know, whatever.  Then there was this:

The "denim series" of "jeans" that is a pair of sweatshirt-material shorts.  Now they are just taking the piss, right?

This is not, and should never become, a "thing".

Lace pants are horrendous and legging shorts should only be worn whilst riding a bicycle.  Adding them together = kill it with fire.

Multicolor Colorblock...

To the extent that black and white are colors and "two" is multi....

Wow

This advertising is tasteless on so many simultaneous levels; I just....

Can you call it a 'wedding dress'...

....when you aren't really 'dressed'?

Nipples Dress

That dress by Rachel Freire, what there is of it, is apparently made from cow nipples.  Specifically the bits of the skin not normally used because nipples are on them (close up here). I am not sure why many considered this a big deal.  If using leather is normal this is just using the off cuts.

Maybe people just like to type the word nipple.

Nipple, nipple, nipple.

Nipple.

Another Book Dress

Albeit less literally so

[via Little Augury]

Dear "The Limited"

Assuming this is not a rhetorical question...

How far can you go

bareback on a horse

over cobbles

with no trousers on?

Not very far,

not very far at all.

Vogue Features 10-year-old Model

Not exactly looking.... 10.

Our ideal of high fashion beauty has officially become pre-pu-fucking-bescent.

French Vogue

A previous 'spread' for Cadeaux

See also:

• 10-Year-Old Vogue Model Sparks Controversy with Sexualized Photo Spread
• Is It Creepy That The Industry Is Obsessed With A 10-Year-Old?

Fashion by the Book

Phone Book dress by Jolis Paons

Golden Books dress by Ryan Novelline

Newspaper dress by Yuliya Kyrpo

Romance Novel dress by Evey 

Fairy Tale Book dress by Jennifer Pritchard

See also:
Recycled Fashion: Beautiful Newspaper Dresses

As High Fashion Goes....

...this may be a little on the nose.

Andrej Pejic

Andrej Pejic is a successful high fashion runway model.  Tall, thin, blond. 

Not blonde, mind you, because Andrej is a male.  Although he is often hired to model female fashion. 

I find it interesting that the high fashion ideal for the female body overlaps with the anatomy of an adolescent boy. 

But I suppose it makes sense because runway shows and designer 'spreads' are much more a form of theatre (like Kabuchi) than a type of industry (like, for example haberdashery).

Spanx You Very Much

I desided to get some Spanx.  Which is not anywhere as much fun as it sounds. Basically it is a singlet that makes you look thinner by its mighty powers of elastication.  I thought it might look me more like my mental picture of myself rather than the rumpled mess I usually am.  Also I have a keynote address coming up and something about being paid to talk makes me feel like I should look good doing it.'

So I went to the Spanx website and looked at the size guide.  In US clothing stores I am a 12 on a good day, a 14 on a bad day, and a 10 if I pay lots of money (thank you, Calvin Klein). Spanx declares 14 to be LARGE which I find faintly depressing. They have measurements too, but I am--like most civilised people--am on the metric system, so I just guess and order a 14 in a "super-duper" slimming level, because, what the hell. May as well go the whole hog, so to speak.

So this thing arrives.  I put it on and... nothing.  It is no tighter than a swimsuit, in fact it has a few wrinkles and folds and is designed for boobs placed considerably lower than mine are.  This thing is completely useless except as an extra under-shirt for cold days.  But, mission accomplished. The Spanx singlet has made me feel like a skinny bitch with perky boobs.  Thank you Spanx.

Emphasising the assets

A lot of energy is devoted to fashion that displays the upper torso assets of the female to best advantage.  But in the last century fashion that does the same for the lower torso assets of the male have been neglected. 

JLS (a.k.a. Jack the Lad Swing) seems to have broken some new ground in groin-enhancing trouserwear in a recent appearance. While not going the full codpiece, JB is certainly making the most of what he has.

5 Weirdest Branded Fashion Products

#5 Smurfette "Girls Night Out"
I know that it is a retro classic design to make a T-shirt of 'Ladies night' or 'Girls Night Out' and put some classic female characters on it. But when you are the only female of the species it just becomes a perplexing homage to delusional narcissism.

#4 Cruella de Vil Cosmetics
Yes, I get that MAC is an edgy brand, and their are some villianesses with undeniable style. But the haggard looking potential puppy murderer just does not strike me good basis for a make-up collection

#3 Ken Bow Tie
Yes, this is an official Barbie/Matel product made in conjunction with Colette.  Don't have the classic good looks needed to truly carry off a bow tie?  no, problem!  This bow tie has them built in.




#2 Superman Bling
Superman is meant to be about down home rustic heroism, so there is immediately something a bit wrong about Superman bling.  Not only is it pretentious and expensive ($500), it is fake--made from cubic Zircon and brass tarted up with a thin coating of gold.  Tacky.  And what is with the model with gold stubble?  This whole collection is pure WTF. Maybe there was some red Kryptonite involved....

#1 Hello Kitty Cat Clothing

Hello Kitty provides an outfit that allows you to dress your cat up... as a cat (only more annoyed).  Baffling, pointless, and a difficult to explain to the paramedics.