My Time Has Come....

"Not Your Mother's" is the new "New Black".

What the fucking fuck, Sunkist/IMW Agency.  These are in fact my mother's grapefruit.  These are in fact the same grapefruit as grapefruit have been since 1875 when they were accidentally invented by an orange and a pomelo tree requiting their sweet yet tangy forbidden love.

The ALLCAPs MODERN grapefruit is the same fucking grapefruit our mothers ate, the exact same one.

And do you know what does in fact smell distinctly of the era when my mother was a wee girl.  This patronizing princessification of a fruit, replete with every stereotypic bullshit women have had to put up with since... well, long before grapefruit were invented.

IMW has decided to: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s health-conscious young woman [because their mothers, by contrast were surprisingly pro-death-and-disease]. In addition, make the message fun and engaging [and not at all pseudo-scientific gender-stereotyped bullshit], and develop a campaign to educate [those ignorant] women that grapefruit is more than a diet…it’s a Superfood [Holy random capital letter, Batman. That word doesn't actually mean fuck all but they are too dumb to notice, right?]. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of antioxidants and vitamins; promotes heart health [in unspecified ways]; may reduce the risk of certain cancers [or, you know, may not]; and promotes healthy skin [because all gals really care about is not getting zits or wrinkles, right?]."

Skating pretty close to making an FDA-forbidden health claim right there. What next? Not your Dad's grapefruit.  How would that go: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s fitness-conscious young men. In addition, make the message fun and engaging, and develop a campaign to educate men that grapefruit is more than an mixed martial arts training regime …it’s an Aphrodisiac. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of fiber and riboflavins; promotes charisma; may reduce the risk of baldness; and promotes healthy beard growth."

Jumping the Hammer-Shark

I just want to say

If it is not made from sheep meat (mutton, lamb etc) it is not shepherd's pie.

Seriously, people. Cut that shit out.

A special kind of apple crisp....

No sugar added... but possibly some poison.

Gendered Jerky

New in the ranks of necessarily gender food is Bombshell Jerky.  It is meant to be a low cal jerky treat for women.  Somehow "for women" means equating each flavor with a pin-up girl.

Now obviously I am all about the feminist reclaiming of classic pinup girl looks.  But actually objectifying a meat product with a female image, that goes rather too far to be in anyway ironic.

Especially with the "exotic" flavor being paired with a girl of Asian appearance, which takes the overall stereotyped nature of their marketing into distinctly dubious territory.

I love you Dunkin', but....

... your "frozen hot chocolate" (FFS) is contributing to the dumbing down of America.

Workout Suppliment Use: A Male Eating Disorder?

Male beauty ideals used to be far less extrem

e

I don't know about you, but the behavior even of rank-and-file body builders and muscle enthusiasts has struck me as increasingly bizarre for some time.  Not those people who just want to be healthy and have a nice physique, but the superstitious, protein-powder-swilling, orange-painted men who end up looking frankly weird.  But they don't notice because they hang out exclusively with other member of their body cult. And if they were doing no harm to themselves, I would shrug and say: whatever floats you boat.

But there is increasing evidence that even those who avoid steroids are pursuing unusual and disordered patterns of eating and exercise they may actually be cause them harm.  For example, a recent study showed that a a relatively large proportion of people taking part in these activities may have some awareness that they have crossed a line. Specifically when it comes to the consumption of body building supplements.

"Achiro and co-author Peter Theodore, PhD, also at the California School of Professional Psychology, found that more than 40 percent of participants indicated that their use of supplements had increased over time and 22 percent indicated that they replaced regular meals with dietary supplements not intended to be meal replacements. Most alarming, said Achiro, was that 29 percent said they were concerned about their own use of supplements." 

The presentation of impossible or unhealthy ideals for the body occurs for both men and women, but it is not surprising resulting behavioral disorders express themselves differently when the focus is on body building. And the makers of these supplements are very much implicated in their improper use by the consumer: many of them actively spread food myths, extreme messaging, misleading nutritional description and sometimes outright fake products.

Both man and women, average and advanced athletes and body builders, need to stay tether to a norm that says we all gain most of our sustainable from food, and that taking something one step more extreme is not always a good idea. If they way you eat means your are skipping necessary nutrition and meals of ordinary food, you have gone to far.  And if the way you look wins competitions but makes people in the street flinch away if they catch a glimpse of you spray-tanned vein-roped calf, you may have gone to far in your pursuit of more and more, rather than matching an achievable and healthy ideal form of some type.

Serving Size Recommendations Are Completely Ridiculous

Okay so it makes sense to have a serving size when you report nutritional information. Like if there is a bag of twelve hotdog buns, the serving size would be one (1/12). A dinner for two, would have two servings. Because, um, it's logically the amount you would serve each person. But as for why a box of 7 bacon slices would be 5 servings... well, I just give up. Is 1.4 the natural serving size for bacon rashers and no one ever got around to telling me?

Wanton Soup

The Milky Bar Penis Story

Various press outlets are reporting the that there are penises on the Milky Way bar as if this is a real story. (The Milky Way being a bar of plain white chocolate).

What makes it even more ridiculous is many of them have not shown the whole bar with the complete picture on it.

Or the other bars in the same series of images showing that any willies seen are purely in the eye of the consumer.

Celebrity Sprite

LeBron James Sprite

Last years flop movie, Syrup (based on a book of the same name), included the idea of marketing a carbonated drink by linking numbered cans to specific celebrities. Almost on cue, Sprite releases their first celebrity-inspired special edition drink.

• LeBron gets own Sprite drink

Planters Mens NUTrition

For more of this nonsense see here.

Milk Pinups

Link

A beer ad that is pro-gay

Kudos to Miller Lite (ad shown in Australia).

Coke Zero Man-vertising

I like Coke zero, but the brand has started going down the man-vertising road.  Which really pisses me off.

Aerosoles Review

My review: I found these shoes ran very small.  The memory foam insole was kind of crunchy and fell apart. Also I only received one, and not a pair. One day I came home from work and found most of it had vanished.  That night the dog was very flatulent.  I have no idea why.

P.S.: as of July 15th Amazon no longer allows customers to upload images of products.  Good forbid one of us try and load a picture that is actually of a shoe.

Wanting it, badly

Today the front page of the New Zealand news site Stuff tastelessly juxtaposes a tale of a model who almost died from an eating disorder, with a list of 5 reasons you're not losing weight.  The last of which is "you don't want it badly enough".

The Latest in Moronic Manvertising

Man Chips.  SRSLY. McCoys need to get someone to lend them a clue.

Simple is Best

I developed a serious white cheddar popcorn habit when I was living in Vancouver. So I was glad to get some samples of Smartfood's new stuff.*

The cinnamon popcorn was pretty good. But along with the hummus chip flavors they did seem a lit bit... unecessarily complicated.

I mean, Buffalo cheddar? Is that really a flavor? What on earth is the difference between "popped corn" and "puffed corn" (the make both--they look the same). And don't even start me on "granola corn".

But they still make the classic that got me through a cold Canadian winter.  (Cheddar, popcorn, perfect). So I guess that's okay.

*I got the free samples from Bzzagent