American Pillows

Nike's New Low

Successful people are allowed to fuck around, apparently. It may even be true to some extent, but I don't see it as an aspirational statement that enhances Nike's brand.

Hello, FDA?

Some may think the Food and Drug Administration is overly prescriptive in not allowing anyone to claim their product treats a medical condition unless it has undergone extensive testing.

But would we really rather be back in the era of snake oil salesmen, like the website for The Good Old Days Store is?

You are invited to "experience the benefits" of actual changes in cholesterol and blood pressure.  That, my friends, looks to me like a disease claim.


This is a good reminder that not all aspects of the good old days were actually good.  Tonics use to be not only expensive and ineffective, or but often actually toxic or a back door to alcoholism.  You never knew what was actually in them.

Thanks to current regulations we know this tonic is made of vinegar and culinary herbs and could be easily made at home for a few dollars should you happen to like the taste of it.  But if you need help controlling your blood pressure, I would strongly suggest looking elsewhere.

Thank God for Steel Tec

...Who realize that a lady can't hold an object that is pointy on one end unless it is pink one the other.

Seriously, this is just a pink tool set.  Men and women can both use it.  But I seriously doubt many people, male or female, give a damn whether their pliers match their decorating scheme.

Or is it also "ladified" is in other ways and not just color? The catalog offers no "gentleman's tool kit" against which to compare it.

A perfume inspired by a bra, FFS

A fragrance inspired by a garment inspired by boobs.
Apparently that means smelling of flowers and wood.

Beauty

I have decided to be an expert in "beauty", because this is apparently a good way to get free stuff.  I shall henceforth say "beauty" quite a lot.  Not that I am sure what "beauty" is as a category.  I think it may be code for "unnecessary products for insecure women".

But I still want it.

Simple

I am not entirely sure what is happening to the word "Simple", at least in relation to women.

Real Simple magazine seems to be mainly about making pointless things, buying pointless things, and following trends. And men, well, they are actively dis-invited from reading it.

And Simple cleansing comes in wipes in a plastic container.

That said, I have them because I used Klout and got offered them as a free "perk"--which isn't actually very simple to begin with.

And I kind of liked them, and I liked the idea of simple natural ingredients.

Above the fold is says: vitamins, alcohol (no oils), no perfumes or dyes.

Then, under the fold of the packaging seal I read the ingredients:

• water (okay)
• cetearyl isononanoate
• panthernol, 
• glycerin, 
• glyceryl stearate, 
• cetearyl alcohol, 
• ceteareth-20, 
• ceteareth-12,  
• sodium citrate, 
• 2-bromo-2-nitroprpane-1,3-diol, 
• disodium EDTA, 
• phenoxyethanol, 
• methylparaben, 
• propylparaben (what?)

If that's simple, I'd hate to see complicated.

JCPenney and what little girls are made of

The first two pictures from JCP's new 're-branding'

Girls are made of:
pink, high heels, romance, jewelry, pussy cats

Boys are made of:
blue, uniforms, noise, outdoors, happy

Dr Pepper Flunks the Test

How do you make a diet soda that appeals to men?

a) Paint the can gray
b) Make a video where a man punches a snake
c) Use the tag line: "It's not for women"
d) Make a diet soda that does not taste like anti-freeze.

Hizamakura Lap Pillow

This actually isn't a sex toy, per se. Go figure.

Hot or Hot Mess?

This Cannes Ad Festival winning ad was never approved by Kia so they can't really be blamed either way.  Personally I think the ad is creepy and the fact it won suggests that the advertising elite (at least at Cannes) may be pretty damn creepy too.  (Click pic to enlarge).

What on earth is this advertising?

This is meant to look good?

Fringe -- Ford, Massive Sellout

My mind was partly on making cookies over the kitchen counter, but I knew Fringe should be on.  I looked up and saw some random family in a car for an extended period of time. I thought, that's not Fringe, that's a car commercial.

Then the car is almost struck by spooky lightning.  So I think, what a minute.  Maybe that is Fringe.

The the family escape with conspicuous use of a rear view screen, and a close up on the 'Ford Contour' logo on the back bumper.  So I think, no, this is a car commercial.

Then the scene changes to the hospital and Walter Bishop is watching over his unconscious son.  So, wait, what? This is Fringe.

Then there is a commerical break and the very first ad is for the Ford Contour.  And I think: you bastards!

Don't tell me that the overly long scene with throw-away characters and stunt driving  that did very little to advance the plot wasn't bought and paid for by Ford as much as the commercial that followed it.

A new low for product placement and right in the middle of what used to be my favorite show.

Febreze

There is a new "exotic" scent for Febreze air freshner--New Zealand springs.

"Experiencing new culture, cuisine and scenery for the first time is a breath of fresh air that can change you forever. Tropical getaways and international travels are the inspiration for our exotic scents."

"New Zealand Springs: Inspired by New Zealand’s south island where springs feed glacier-carved streams and verdant vistas."

I am not sure what that is actually meant to smell like? Phosphate fertiliser and sheep droppings?  Fish and chips with a hint of Raid mosquito spray?

All I can say is that if they have any class Frebreze will be making a donation to the Christchurch earthquake fund.

American Areolas

Why do companies who are ostensibly selling clothes, such as American Apparel, run so many advertising campaigns with models who are aren't wearing any?

 

I mean, seriously.  This ad could easily be selling boobs, peroxide or cloning technology, but clothes? What clothes?  Who the hell is looking at the clothes?

See also:

• American Apparel Model Excitedly Bares Her Breasts

 

WTF Advertising

The current 'Sour Patch' advertisement strikes me is extremely weird, with extra weirdness and a dash of WTF.  You see domestic violence often occurs in a cycle of violence followed by remorse and charm (followed by more violence, etc). Ha ha. Um. What? Or is the assumption that because the victim is a young man it isn't 'real' violence and so we can find it amusing?

Crushingly Dull

New Zealand's Next to Model show seems to think it is cool to spoof 'crush' videos (fetish material where women in heels squash small animals to death). In this case all that is getting squashed is a toy animal but this is just the last in a long line of fashion 'edginess'.  It is boring, tawdry and pointless.  Crush is not cool and it is not funny, in any form.

See also:

• New Zealand's Next Top Model Mocks Animal Cruelty Fetish
• Pull New Zealand's Next Top Model Crush Video Commercial

Oy.

I realised Tom Ford revitalised Gucci, has a best-selling high fashion brand, blah blah blah.  However his signature look seems to involve nudity, oil and rampant objectification.  All with a nudge and a wink so you can either like it, or like it ironically. You know what? There is another option.

I dearly hope that Santa brought Tom Ford some subtlety for Xmas.

I can't tell....

This is satire, right?

A company with the tag line: "The natural look is back!"

Selling fake nipples.