Monday, September 20, 2010

I don't know just how scared of wrinkles I would need to be to order this product (see right), and I plan on never finding out.  Not only is it hideous, it basically zaps electricity at your face through pointy nodes.  It is like a cross between a lesser known Dr Who villain and and a fetish device designed by someone who reeeaaally like the facehugger creature from Alien.

Even  weirder, are we really expected to believe that Linda Evans looks like... well like Linda Evans because of any kind of cheap face-zapping device rather than some reeaally expensive cosmetic surgery.  But at least the consumer reviews suggest plenty of people out there do, in fact, still have a sense of humor.

Some WTF from BMW

Things that are dodgy about this ad:
1) She looks under-age
2) Thinking of your car like a sexual partner is weird

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My question to the good people at Woolite would be....

Can you name for me a cleaning product that removes stains only on a temporary basis?  You know, like blast that fickle cleaner, it removed the wine stain from my carpet on Saturday, it was gone Monday and Tuesday, but come Wednesday here it is back again!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Earth to Chrylser

Have you seen the new Chrysler advertisement? It goes something like this.

1) Small kid is leaving school, three bigger kids are some distance behind him.  One yells: "Hey Parker, bet we can beat you home" (Or something to that effect).
2) Parker runs home with three kids in pursuit.
3) Parker jumps in hatchback of Mom's car, closes hatch and sees three kids in rear view camera.
4) Parker waves tauntingly at three kids as they drive off.

Beat you home? Clearly this ad was filmed with the idea that the three kids wanted to beat Parker, not beat him home. I get that Chrysler realised at the last minute that a jokey ad about bullying would not go over well. 

But now instead of being tolerant of bullying the ad just implies that Chrylser thinks their potential customers are complete frakking idiots who wont see through what they are clearly doing here.

(I would link to the ad but I can't find it anywhere online.)

Edited to add, found it:

I also found:
2010 Chrysler Town & Country—perfect for clueless moms and bullied kids.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Learn how to speak "foreign" with the Newport News catalog

1) Says: Mon Cherie
Language: french
Means: My darling (to a woman).  Said to a man it would be "Mon cheri".
Really means: I beg for compliments and may be seriously codependent.

Or is that meant to read: Non Cherie?
Language: Fretalian
Means: Not darling
Really means: I have self-esteem issues

2) Says: tres jolie
Language: french
Means: Beautiful!
Really means: I am very vain.

3) Says: Bella Donna
Language: Italian
Means: Beautiful woman
Really means: see #2

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Curtains for Sarah: a Cover Story

I should have been an easy job.  Sneak in, take down the curtains, and whip up a ravishing dress to match her lipstick.  But then Brett charged in.  "Oh no you don't," he declared. "Red is my signature color!"  And that was when the Captain found them.  It might help Brett whose masculinity was frequently questioned, but Sarah's reputation was ruined!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

My Little Pony, Awl Growed Up (is this where pony play comes from?)

Now it is pretty clear that 'My Little Pony' is not pure horse.  It isn't just neotenised to look like an ultra-cute baby, it is blended with the characteristics of a human baby.  This is hardly uncommon.  Many toys have been animal-human-baby combinations since the advent of the teddy bear.  But somehow we don't really notice the species blending so long as it is big-eyes and harmless.

Then there is Strutz.  The My Little Pony that goes where no furry (for the most part) dares to go.  That is to say, a sexy human-animal blend whose private parts are not humanoid.  These My Little Whores'es come complete with 'love you long time' racial stereotyping.  Pale (Sierra), tan (Rio) and with narrow eyes (Milan).  Just an aberration, right?  This product had a short and unprofitable life and mercifully became extinct.

But then we had Bratz Babyz Ponyz, bring the unnecessary 'z' to the animal kingdom and reprising the trope of the pony with bedroom eyes.  Interestingly again the pony seems to be racially coded: black (Sashay), tan (Bonita), brown (Pursia), and white (Celeste).  There is an online game and dolls. In the game your pony needs shoes, eyes shadow and a nice bob hairstyle.

Looking at all this preening of quasi-humanoid ponies makes me feel like the whole thing is a training ground for pony fetish play.
See Also:

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Facts of Life and Love

One of the unavoidable facts of life and love is, apparently, that blondes have more fun.  Other gems from this 1950 YMCA book include:

"Very few people are born with predetermined tendencies toward homosexuality."

"...a girl seems forward when she phones a boy."

"...women are less easily excited by sex stimulation...girls and boys alike, as well as almost everyone else, consider it the girls responsibility 'to keep the boys in line'."