5 Weirdest Branded Fashion Products

#5 Smurfette "Girls Night Out"
I know that it is a retro classic design to make a T-shirt of 'Ladies night' or 'Girls Night Out' and put some classic female characters on it. But when you are the only female of the species it just becomes a perplexing homage to delusional narcissism.

#4 Cruella de Vil Cosmetics
Yes, I get that MAC is an edgy brand, and their are some villianesses with undeniable style. But the haggard looking potential puppy murderer just does not strike me good basis for a make-up collection

#3 Ken Bow Tie
Yes, this is an official Barbie/Matel product made in conjunction with Colette.  Don't have the classic good looks needed to truly carry off a bow tie?  no, problem!  This bow tie has them built in.




#2 Superman Bling
Superman is meant to be about down home rustic heroism, so there is immediately something a bit wrong about Superman bling.  Not only is it pretentious and expensive ($500), it is fake--made from cubic Zircon and brass tarted up with a thin coating of gold.  Tacky.  And what is with the model with gold stubble?  This whole collection is pure WTF. Maybe there was some red Kryptonite involved....

#1 Hello Kitty Cat Clothing

Hello Kitty provides an outfit that allows you to dress your cat up... as a cat (only more annoyed).  Baffling, pointless, and a difficult to explain to the paramedics.

WTF Barbie

I know the Barbie section of Mattel is pretty much WTF-land, but some areas are WTF-er than others. For example:

1) Why would you make a Barbie themed on a shoe brand. And specifically a maker of over-priced french fuck me high heels? (including fetish ballet shoes).
2) If you did create a doll based on a brand of towering, ankle-twisting shoes, why would you make them a cat burglar? (a.k.a. "a jewel thief on the rooftops of Paris")
3) And finally, why would you then dressed this rooftop-traversing thief in a head-to-toe rubber fetish suit?

And finally, if this steaming heap of pure crazy is okay, why on earth did the won't-somebody-think-of-the-children crowd get so upset about the Black Canary barbie who might have been similarly sartorially challenged but was a super-hero, not a criminal? Subtext: you can be as morally bankrupt as you want and still be a hero for children everywhere, so long as you have gorgeous shoes.

Elsewhere in Barbie WTF-land: Twilight Jacob/Ken with extra abs, Elvis Ken, Captain Kirk Ken, Barbara Streisand Barbie, Octopussy Barbie, "Mad Men" Barbies and--this is about where I lost the will to live--Athena Barbie ("Beautiful and bold, she's a fashionable force to be reckoned with.") (Perhaps with the "maths class is tough" voice box from teen talk Barbie?)