Friday, March 26, 2010

WTF Barbie

I know the Barbie section of Mattel is pretty much WTF-land, but some areas are WTF-er than others. For example:

1) Why would you make a Barbie themed on a shoe brand. And specifically a maker of over-priced french fuck me high heels? (including fetish ballet shoes).
2) If you did create a doll based on a brand of towering, ankle-twisting shoes, why would you make them a cat burglar? (a.k.a. "a jewel thief on the rooftops of Paris")
3) And finally, why would you then dressed this rooftop-traversing thief in a head-to-toe rubber fetish suit?

And finally, if this steaming heap of pure crazy is okay, why on earth did the won't-somebody-think-of-the-children crowd get so upset about the Black Canary barbie who might have been similarly sartorially challenged but was a super-hero, not a criminal? Subtext: you can be as morally bankrupt as you want and still be a hero for children everywhere, so long as you have gorgeous shoes.

Elsewhere in Barbie WTF-land: Twilight Jacob/Ken with extra abs, Elvis Ken, Captain Kirk Ken, Barbara Streisand Barbie, Octopussy Barbie, "Mad Men" Barbies and--this is about where I lost the will to live--Athena Barbie ("Beautiful and bold, she's a fashionable force to be reckoned with.") (Perhaps with the "maths class is tough" voice box from teen talk Barbie?)


David Tulloch said...

I looked it up ...

"The dolls come with period accessories like hats, overcoats, pearls and padded undergarments, but no cigarettes, ashtrays, martini glasses or cocktail shakers."

Awwww. I can't get Barbie bombed on cocktails.

Emily Veinglory: said...

'Fess up, you were there for the sale dela on the Elvis and Priscilla combo, right? Discounted as "slightly damaged" aptly enough.

Anonymous said...

They're fuck-me high heels probably because she was a fuck-me doll in the first place.

Think of the children?

And on one of your other blogs you talked about new obscenity laws now being applied with a power-sprayer to the internet. But there's still no problem with Barbie--who has everything but an o-shaped mouth.

I don't get it. Never have.