Upcoming Penetrator Review

Well, it seems Boone has called me on my threat to post a review of a book from the Penetrator series.  And if I mist read one, I think this is the one.  The cover alone promises...

• An erupting volcano.
• A luxurious moustache
• A beautiful blonde
• A vampire
• A man falling to his death
• and a hero with deformed butt cheeks.

I mean, seriously, what is going on with this dude's butt?

The Penetrator Reviews

I have decided to start collecting online review of books in "The Penetrator" series.  I don't know why.  Probably masochism.  But also because anyone insane enough to read one of these books generally has something funny/interesting to say about it. I will only add a review of my own of Boone delivers on his promised bad movies reviews.

The Penetrator #1: The Target is H

• Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot

The Penetrator #6: Tokyo Purple

• Bookgasm

The Penetrator #9: Dodge City Bombers

• Bookgasm 

The Penetrator #10: The Hellbomb Project:

• Mystery File.

The Penetrator #15: The Quebec Connection

• Karate Party
• Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot

Penetrator, No. 41: Hells Hostages

• Goodreads

Somewhere in the Pinnacle Art Department in the early 80s

So we want you to make a cover where he looks really, like, manly--you know. Because this guy is the ultimate he-man. He is... the Penetrator!

Um, he's what?

He's the Penetrator. And he is super macho so have him being super macho with a bimbo.

You mean fucking her?

Oh, God no. But there should be a half naked woman looking like she's really asking for it. And he should be there being really masculine. Like shooting a gun or something.

Shooting a gun at a naked woman?

Oh, God no. Just shooting a gun with something threatening there like a black guy shaking his fist, and there's a naked woman, and like... pointy stuff, pointing at her. Like all subtle and symbolic of how macho he is because....

He's the Penetrator.

Right!

Sigh.

#

Okay, that thing you did last time was okay, but a bit subtle.

A bit subtle?!
Yeah, I mean this guy, he's the Penetrator. And he is super macho so have him being super macho and a guy being shot.

Wouldn't that imply he was fucking the guy?

Oh, God no. There should be a half naked woman looking like she's really asking for it. And he should be there being really masculine; I mean REALLY manly. Like shooting a gun and holding a bomb or something. Make it really clear. And this women she's been shot....

You mean symbolically?
No, she's actually been shot. In the shoulder so you can sort of show part of her booby. That'll be sexy. There will be the woman who's been shot and the black guy being shot, and him with a gun being like the perfect man.

Because he's the Penetrator.

Right!

Sigh.


See also:
6 Very Unfortunate Book Covers