Xmas Trees are Evil?

For those who follow a literal Bible, no Christmand trees this year:

"Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. . . . They are altogether brutish and foolish." (Jeremiah 10:2-8)

Self Taxidermy?

I just noticed that if you search Amazon for "taxidermy supplies", the second largest category of results is "Beauty: self tanners and bronzers".

Hello, FDA?

Some may think the Food and Drug Administration is overly prescriptive in not allowing anyone to claim their product treats a medical condition unless it has undergone extensive testing.

But would we really rather be back in the era of snake oil salesmen, like the website for The Good Old Days Store is?

You are invited to "experience the benefits" of actual changes in cholesterol and blood pressure.  That, my friends, looks to me like a disease claim.


This is a good reminder that not all aspects of the good old days were actually good.  Tonics use to be not only expensive and ineffective, or but often actually toxic or a back door to alcoholism.  You never knew what was actually in them.

Thanks to current regulations we know this tonic is made of vinegar and culinary herbs and could be easily made at home for a few dollars should you happen to like the taste of it.  But if you need help controlling your blood pressure, I would strongly suggest looking elsewhere.

The Latest in Moronic Manvertising

Man Chips.  SRSLY. McCoys need to get someone to lend them a clue.

Dear People Perpetuating this Meme

The sentiment may be lovely, but accuracy matters.  Accuracy is the basis for trust and so for authority.  Checking facts is what stops you from looking like a schmuck.

Size zero was invented in the early 1990s in response to vanity sizing.  Thus Marilyn Monroe did not say this unless  she is a zombie or a head in a jar.

Dear female reality show participants

It's on the inside.

I would just like to point out that the external parts of your lower, front torso are not now, nor have they ever been, your vagina.

You do not shave it, it does not have camel toe, it cannot be seen while you are standing upright, even if you are completely unclothed.

The area you are thinking of in these cases is referred to, depending on how much territory you are trying to cover, as the mons (entire area), pudenda (front cleavage) or vulva (entrance).

Fortunately Adsense dropped me long ago--or this would have done it.

Simple is Best

I developed a serious white cheddar popcorn habit when I was living in Vancouver. So I was glad to get some samples of Smartfood's new stuff.*

The cinnamon popcorn was pretty good. But along with the hummus chip flavors they did seem a lit bit... unecessarily complicated.

I mean, Buffalo cheddar? Is that really a flavor? What on earth is the difference between "popped corn" and "puffed corn" (the make both--they look the same). And don't even start me on "granola corn".

But they still make the classic that got me through a cold Canadian winter.  (Cheddar, popcorn, perfect). So I guess that's okay.

*I got the free samples from Bzzagent

Beware of Ducks

G Fuel, no thanks

Gamma Labs usually makes sports supplements but apparently they wanted to get into the energy-drinks-for-slobs market.

Or as they put it: "we are a sports nutrition based company dedicated to providing athletes and the fitness community with ... supplements [but] with the PTF becoming so popular within the gaming community and with energy drink consumers, we felt it was time to develop a newer product to suit ALL our customers' needs"

I decided to ask for a free sample to try to see if it is better than my usual 3 O'clock Pepsi.  The answer is... no.  The powder produced a day-glo red liquid and the taste was vile.  Imagine a combination of 4-5 original recipe Dramamine tablets dissolved in Hawaiian punch-flavored Kool-Aid.

My focus seems not at all improved due to the aftertaste actually causing a persistent nausea.  I am off now to buy a Pepsi in the hope that it will wash the horrendous taste of this stuff away.

The ads are trying to tell me something

Thank God for Steel Tec

...Who realize that a lady can't hold an object that is pointy on one end unless it is pink one the other.

Seriously, this is just a pink tool set.  Men and women can both use it.  But I seriously doubt many people, male or female, give a damn whether their pliers match their decorating scheme.

Or is it also "ladified" is in other ways and not just color? The catalog offers no "gentleman's tool kit" against which to compare it.

Strivectin

Before

So I got some of this anti-wrinkle stuff for free through BzzAgent.  Basically this is meant to deal to the developing crows feet.

I am shallow enough to fall for this type of thing so I am giving it a go.  And, hey, it was free.

So, okay.  It is meant to take 4-8 weeks to see an effect. Here were are at two weeks so perhaps it is not surprising that nothing has happened yet.

2 Weeks

I can attest to the fact that this stuff stings like a bitch when you get it in your eyes. Hopefully all the astounding science-y chemicals meant to be in it don't cause eye cancer.

A perfume inspired by a bra, FFS

A fragrance inspired by a garment inspired by boobs.
Apparently that means smelling of flowers and wood.

Sharing Smiley360 Mission

As part of my recent mission to get sent cool stuff for free I am trying Smiley360.   Waiting to see how that works out.

(Sharing Smiley360 Mission: I just became a Smiley360 member! Sign-up for free at http://bit.ly/lTDqVw Be heard. Be happy. *Please remember the FTC requires you to mention that you received a free sample courtesy of Smiley360 when sharing.)

Even in death...

...women tend to be treated as accessories to the main event.

"Three members of a UK family - named as Saad al-Hilli, 50, from Surrey, his wife and mother-in-law - were shot dead near Lake Annecy on Wednesday" [BBC]

Notice how the dead people are a named person (male) and unnamed female identified by her relationship to the man, and another unnamed female identified by her relationship to the man.

Would it not be just as accurate and somewhat easier to say:

"Three members of a UK family - named as Iqbal al-Hilli,  from Surrey, her husband and mother - were shot dead near Lake Annecy on Wednesday"

But that never happens, does it?

Where's the Meat?

Lays "all natural" BLT chips are described as containing a "delicious blend of bacon, ripe tomatoes and cool lettuce".

Lays BLT chips actually contain, as the 8th ingredient, "natural bacon type flavor"

Digging around in other ingredient list I find that "bacon type flavor" is normally made of:some combination of

sunflower oil
smoke flavor (?)
Hydrolyzed Corn Soy Wheat Gluten Protein (?)
Maltodextrin
Autolyzed Yeast Extract
Soy, Corn and Wheat Protein

and the ubiquitous other "natural flavors" (???)

(link, link, link)

Other natural flavors are...?  Some rendered pig fat possibly?  or...?


As ingredient lists go, this is a bit useless as I am left fundamentally unsure whether one, or more, of the four allegedly key ingredients are actually used in the product at all.

And don't even get me started on "lettuce type flavor".

Hmm, Tasty

I don't know about you, but what this ad says to me is: "Our tacos are as tasty as a sweaty footballer's crotch".

Dominos

Whether fer reals or as a joke, this says:
Dominos, so hip they think it's okay to call a woman a bitch
Ha fuckin' ha ha

Carolina Wendy's Sides with Anti-Gay Chain

link

More pointless gun chic...

...from Lindsay Lohan.

Well, I doubt you could charge for it....

Paging Captain Obvious: Do Not Drink

Perhaps they need to makes things clear to Alice and other super-literal types.

Music Legs

This was on the packaging for some gloves I ordered off Amazon.

I can actually understand why the model is showing of the gloves while not wearing any other clothes.

What I don't understand is why mesh gloves are going by the name "Music legs"

American Apparel always liked to show a little skin and boob, but in the absence of boob it feels a bit pedophilic.

Fab.com and Gun Chic Cliches

I am getting very very tired of Fab.com featuring design after design based on guns.  Even if you are not disgusted by gun chic and gangster kids shooting other innocent kids on a daily basis it is a design cliche.

Time to try just a little harder, please?

The same could be said for the perky but clearly generic reply I got when I emailed them about this concern. If you aren't going to make any effort to personalize the response you might as well use an auto-responder that says: 'we want your money, not your opinions'.

Examples shown are from today's Fab email, similar examples from (on average) every Fab email over the last month.

Beauty

I have decided to be an expert in "beauty", because this is apparently a good way to get free stuff.  I shall henceforth say "beauty" quite a lot.  Not that I am sure what "beauty" is as a category.  I think it may be code for "unnecessary products for insecure women".

But I still want it.

Simple

I am not entirely sure what is happening to the word "Simple", at least in relation to women.

Real Simple magazine seems to be mainly about making pointless things, buying pointless things, and following trends. And men, well, they are actively dis-invited from reading it.

And Simple cleansing comes in wipes in a plastic container.

That said, I have them because I used Klout and got offered them as a free "perk"--which isn't actually very simple to begin with.

And I kind of liked them, and I liked the idea of simple natural ingredients.

Above the fold is says: vitamins, alcohol (no oils), no perfumes or dyes.

Then, under the fold of the packaging seal I read the ingredients:

• water (okay)
• cetearyl isononanoate
• panthernol, 
• glycerin, 
• glyceryl stearate, 
• cetearyl alcohol, 
• ceteareth-20, 
• ceteareth-12,  
• sodium citrate, 
• 2-bromo-2-nitroprpane-1,3-diol, 
• disodium EDTA, 
• phenoxyethanol, 
• methylparaben, 
• propylparaben (what?)

If that's simple, I'd hate to see complicated.

Dear Klout and Boticca

Twenty-five dollars off a forty dollar purchase is not a "credit".

A credit is a "balance in a person's favor in an account"--not a reduction in cost.

This offer is, at best, a coupon.

Hoodies=Mini-Skirts for Men

Think about it.

The old stupidity was that:
1) If a girl wears a mini-skirt (about to be banned in Indonesia BTW)
2) she is gagging to have sex with anyone (slut)
3) so it's okay to rape he no matter what else she does or says.

Now we have a new stupidity so men also get to experience victim-blaming clothing-based excuses for violence:
1) If a boy wears a hoodie
2) he is a violent criminal (thug)
3) so it is okay to report, follow, harass and ultimately shoot him no matter what else he does or says.

Pinterest loses a few decimel points

 [Source]

Black Ice

A car air freshener called Black Ice.

Isn't that a bit like a dog food brand called Rabies, or a running shoe called Broken Bottle.

I mean, this is pretty much exactly something you and your car don't want to come across?

Smells like misfortune, possibly leading to traumatic injury or death?

Do you need a bag for your awkward eupemisms?

That must be what this bag is for right?  This blue flowery bag?  Somewhere to put stray words that are causing you public embarrassment due to their complete lack of intrinsic meaning?

I mean: "Necessities Courtesy Bag".  The only word that means anything there is "bag". And how on earth do you trademark the word "necessities"?

And don't even get me started on "your needs away from home".  Unless this bag contains oxygen, food and a very large Tazer it ain't even coming close to meeting my needs away from home.

Seems... not quite right somehow

Wonder Woman Food Mixer

I [Heart] Jim Rash

Tumbador Chocolates

I rather liked the idea of chocolates named after the cardinal sins. But I wonder of Tumbador is making some kind of comment by giving me an extra dose of "pride" (and a missing "envy"--which makes some kind of sense). And I couldn't tell sloth and wrath apart, visually (which doesn't).

Jumping the Shark, Literally

Dark Tide, apparently starring Halle Berry's boobs (see poster) is apparently going straight to video (on demand)--no cinema release.  This is despite a budget of about 25 mill.  It must *really* suck.

I would normally give more of a damn, but the poor sharks don't really need any more of this 'blood in the water' horror crap. Mr Whitebread McLoveinterest is even wearing Martin Brody's (Jaws) glasses.

JCPenney and what little girls are made of

The first two pictures from JCP's new 're-branding'

Girls are made of:
pink, high heels, romance, jewelry, pussy cats

Boys are made of:
blue, uniforms, noise, outdoors, happy

Can you call it a 'wedding dress'...

....when you aren't really 'dressed'?

{EAV:d368f1bb65cf3049}